AFC Sloppy Something Cracker Spread


Most cream cheese spreads are absent the meaty factor. Meat-eaters, animal-freers, vegetarians and all those in between will come back for more. Guaranteed! Just serve it – you don’t have to dissect it for them before they taste it. Discipline! If you have to say something, say there’s no animal products in it!

Makes almost 2 cups

1 c. SLOPPY SOMETHING (recipe at end of post)

8 oz. container Tofutti Cream Cheese, plain

1/3 c. thinly sliced scallion, green part – plus extra for garnish

2 T. thinly sliced scallion, white part

2 T. fine chop fresh cilantro leaves – compacted – plus extra for garnish

3/4 t. salt or to taste

1 t. smoked paprika

1/2 t. garlic powder

1/2 t. fine grind caraway seed

1/8 t. ground allspice

2 t. light sesame oil

2 t. light brown sugar

1 T. prepared yellow mustard

2 t. prepared horseradish

Mix all ingredients in medium mixing bowl, thoroughly. All ingredients need to be equally dispersed and/or dissolved.

Place in the serving dish and refrigerate till ready to use, then garnish with thinly sliced scallion and fresh cilantro.

Serve with your favorite or assorted crackers. I went with Triscuits, Town House by Keebler and Blue Diamond SMOKEHOUSE NUT THINS.

The spread will firm up when refrigerated. The yield was based on post mixing before refrigeration.


Sloppy Something is really SOMETHIN’ Sloppy Something wasn’t expected to be really SOMETHIN’. But Sloppy Something wanted more than Something. So Sloppy Something turned Something into REALLY SOMETHING’! 

Makes 5 cups 

2 T. light sesame oil – I used ROLAND brand

1 c. diced sweet onion, 1/2 inch squares

1 c. packed grated carrot – over large holes hand-held grater

1/2 t. salt

1/2 c. sm. pitted Kalamata olives, quartered (if using lg. olives cut into 8ths)

12 oz. jar sweet red roasted peppers, drained (reserve liquid) then dice into 1/2 inch squares

salt and pepper to taste


salt to taste

2 T. light sesame seed oil

1 T. jarred minced garlic

2 t. liquid smoke

In extra-large skillet, over low heat, melt sesame oil.

Add onion, carrot and salt. Stir to coat with oil, disperse evenly in pan and cook over low heat, stirring every 5 minutes till onion is translucent and soft. Salt and pepper to taste and set aside.

  • We’re not looking for char – a slow saute over low heat will achieve the right flavor and texture.

In clean large skillet, over medium-low heat, melt sesame seed oil.

Add V. beef crumbles to pan. Stir to coat all crumbs. They’ll still be dry, but do the best you can.

Salt to taste, stir, distribute V. crumbles in pan and let cook about 5 minutes. Don’t raise the heat, we don’t want them crispy beyond enjoyment.

Stir them up and over, distribute again, then cook another 5 minutes or so. Remove from heat.

Add the V. crumbles to the veggie skillet, stirring to evenly distribute.

Add garlic and liquid smoke. Stir well.

Salt and pepper to taste.

Now add the liquid from the jar of peppers. Stir well till absorbed.

Remove from heat.

SERVE AS: a topper over pasta, as a taco/tortilla wrap meat, over salad, potato, beans, rice and on and on. Get creative! Now you know what it’s about.

I’m not sure what to do with this. I hesitate to turn it into something that resembles something else, just to achieve the familiarity factor. I don’t want to degrade what I already developed. So I pack it up and refrigerate it overnight.

In the morning I take it out and taste. Thinking the V. crumbles would soften considerably, as most V. crumbles do when refrigerated after being cooked, I was pleasantly surprised that they maintained their chew, only better, since the translucent onion, slow-cooked till soft, now textured like the gelatinous component of fat against the chew of the V. meat, distinctly separate, but joined as one as in a piece of animal meat. Eureka.





Published by Sharon Lee Davies-Tight, artist, writer/author, animal-free chef, activist

CHEF DAVIES-TIGHT™. AFC Private Reserve™. THE ANIMAL-FREE CHEF™. The Animal-Free Chef Prime Content™. ANIMAL-FREE SOUS-CHEF™. Animal-Free Sous-Chef Prime Content™. ANIMAL-FAT-FREE CHEF™. Fat-Free Chef Prime Content™. AFC GLOBAL PLANTS™. THE TOOTHLESS CHEF™. WORD WARRIOR DAVIES-TIGHT™. Word Warrior Premium Content™. HAPPY WHITE HORSE™. Happy White Horse Premium Content™. SHARON ON THE NEWS™. SHARON'S FAMOUS LITTLE BOOKS™. SHARON'S BOOK OF PROSE™. CHALLENGED BY HANDICAP™. BIRTH OF A SEED™. LOCAL UNION 141™. Till now and forever © Sharon Lee Davies-Tight, Artist, Author, Animal-Free Chef, Activist. ARCHITECT of 5 PRINCIPLES TO A BETTER LIFE™ & MAINSTREAM ANIMAL-FREE CUISINE™.

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